MEN / WOMEN

MEN
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Men are too visually oriented and don't give themselves a chance to know a woman who doesn't meet their visual ideal. It seems to be a physiological fact that men respond to visual stimuli much more than women, and women respond to verbal stimuli more than men. That has given rise to the notion that a woman can be 'sweet-talked' into anything, and sometimes that's true. But it's also true that an over-emphasis on visual input has many dangers.

The qualities that make a relationship meaningful and durable are not how someone looks. Yet many single men simply refuse to associate with or get to know a woman at all unless she visually meets their standards. Let me tell you that you may pass up a terrific woman by refusing to get to know her simply because she's not exactly what you were dreaming of.

For some men, it's shape or size that is most important. For others it's hair or skin. But most men, if honest, would admit that they really place a high importance on some aspect of the physical appearance of a woman.

While I'm not proposing that men should miraculously change their physiological makeup and dismiss appearance as a non-essential, I am suggesting that this tendency can get out of hand easily, and a Christian man needs to check it out. 'Looks don't last, cookin' do,' the old adage goes, and there's something there to think about.

WOMEN
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If you're a single Christian woman, have you ever said, 'Where can I find a really sharp Christian man?' I admit it's not easy. Men think it's not easy to find just the woman they want either, but it's no secret that there are usually more women than men involved in church and Christian groups. That's true in every category-young, old, single or married. It's also true that there are more women than men in this world. So, there don't seem to be enough to go around.

Faced with this fact, we must learn to live with it and not allow ourselves to go nuts over any Christian man who comes along, nor allow ourselves to be plunged into despair. A couple of probing questions to ask yourself to keep from this is:

What is your first thought when you see or meet a new Christian man? Let me guess: Is he single? Or Is he taken? Now, I don't know if you'll ever be able to stop that first thought, but the secret here is to immediately abandon that line of thinking. Say to yourself, 'This is first of all a person. I will relate to him as I would to any new person I was meeting. I will not allow myself to look at him as a potential partner.'

Do you find you are feeling sorry for yourself or commiserating with other single women about the shortage of men? I frequently hear talk like this among single women. It's not a great topic for conversation, for you to simply keep reinforcing the idea that there's a big problem finding a Christian man, because that starts affecting your thinking. It causes depression and dreariness. I see it on the faces of single women so often-the look that says, 'Oh, poor me, I'm a good Christian woman, but where are the Christian men?'

It's one thing to recognize the shortage. It's another thing to let that reality control and depress you. I have discovered that often when I'm having difficulty accepting some situation, it goes back to my lack of trust in the sovereignty of God. When you really focus on believing that God is in control, it changes your outlook on the circumstances of your life. You have to trust him; nothing else makes sense.

Most single women don't believe that God can truly make them fulfilled and happy except through marriage. That attitude really limits God's ability to work in our lives. You know, we keep putting the cart before the horse. We don't find fulfillment by filling up our lives with things that we think will make us happy, such as a man. We find fulfillment when we stop looking for it and concentrate instead on knowing God.