Masculine Success

Life was a little simpler for men a few years ago. At home, he was a family patriarch and a breadwinner. His word around the home was law.

However, in the modern society, men face a world in which macho is no longer enough. The new and improved model of male is expected to share in breadwinning and child-rearing and be both tender and tough. Where once independence and aloofness were desirable, now openness, sensitivity and intimacy are prized. With the changing times, most men, especially the fathers are confused. This confusion has resulted in two types of men, the emasculated male and the macho male.

Emasculated males are weak, indecisive men, lacking confidence and drive. They are lovely people and are not interested in harming the earth or starting wars or working for co operations. Many are not happy; there is not much energy in them. They are life preserving but not exactly life giving. The women in their lives keep on complaining of being the only ones in the relationship with direction and purpose.

These are men whose fathers failed to define maleness and model its appropriate expression. They are men who are incapable of breathing life and energy into those around them. Men who lack the mysterious ingredient that would free them to fully engage in the challenges of marriage building, child rearing and career advancement.

However, this doesn’t mean that men need not express their feelings. In many cases the sensitive man who reacts deeply to stimuli and exhibits emotional sensitivity is perfectly normal. However, there's something wrong with a society that shames males who do not act in a tough, aggressive, and emotionally repressed manner--especially when such a significant portion of the population simply isn't cut out for or comfortable with these behaviours. When sensitive males do not conform to stereotypical male behaviour and instead express compassion, gentleness, and vulnerability, they may be shamed, or when they express normal levels of fear, anxiety, and sadness others may treat them as abnormal. The behaviours that are associated with females (actions that demonstrate empathy, sensitivity, compassion, and so on) are also natural male traits--they are simply not recognized as such in many societies.

The macho men are every bit as confused as their softer counterparts, but they choose the opposite response. These frightened and insecure men try to convince the world that they’re flesh and blood examples of raw manhood. Terrified little boys in grown-up bodies, they seek to erase all doubt about their maleness. So they dress and drive, walk and talk, curse and chew, fight and fornicate – like “real men”.

These contemporary conquistadores flaunt their achievement, power, property, muscles and sexual prowess while doing their level best to conceal every trace of self doubt, fear or vulnerability. Their goal is to wipe out any vestige of suspicion regarding their identity as “real men”. Some men do bold, rash, even frightening things to flaunt their masculinity. Some take dangerous financial risks and get involved in investment schemes to prove their manhood. Others dominate and intimidate employees, co-workers, wives and children to prove that they are strong and in control.

The solution to true male identity is found in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14: Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. Men are exhorted to do everything in Love. As a man, don’t try to prove yourself by being macho. In all your relationships, learn to mix strength with sensitivity, toughness with tenderness, leadership with submission.

Genuine masculinity requires that individual men be man enough to admit their need for a vital relationship the true God. Males need to be contrite enough to admit their need for God (macho men), yet courageous enough to step out in faith (emasculated men). Admitting personal sin and seeking a saviour is a big step that goes against the grain of contemporary thought.

Secure, free authentic men leave a mark – on their colleagues, friends, wives and especially their children. Authentic masculinity is intensity, drive, determination and desire. Its tears, laughter, love and spirituality; it’s balance and completeness.

And that my friends is what it means to be successful as a man!